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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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