one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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