Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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