Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
