Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
