Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
