You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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