The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
