I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
