Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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