im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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