I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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