We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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