you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
