Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
