Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize