Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
