Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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