He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
