I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
