Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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