And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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