Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
