The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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