I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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