the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
