Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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