he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
