He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
