We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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