all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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