cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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