I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize