he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Say something about gay babies.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
