smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This baby is an asshole
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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