I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
