he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
