Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
