For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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