i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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