is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
