Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
