Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
