The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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