So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
