But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
