When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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