It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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