I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
