I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize