All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
