When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
