Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
