I haven't been this sober since birth.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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