woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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