Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
