It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
