Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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