He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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