Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
