My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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